Just the sound of the a/c…


I’m alone on the 2nd floor of the library during Spring break.
Except for the sound of my typing, it’s so quiet and peaceful.
Surrounded by books and empty chairs, I feel like a child in a candy shop.
Me likes it ๐Ÿ™‚

Ah, cool spring evenings…

(photo by Jennifer Squires)

Which kind of lovesick do you wanna be?

Because im(ns)ho, you have a choice ๐Ÿ˜‰

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Lovesick – Misty Edwards

Chorus:
I am lovesick, for my Beloved
My Beloved and my Friend
(Repeat x2)
Only YOU can satisfy (x2)

Try as I may to chase another Lover,
I find there is, there is no other
(x2)
For only YOU can satisfy (x2)

And happy am I, to live a hungry life
Blessed am I, to thirst
Disillusionment, it is my gift within
I am blessed, I am blessed among men!

To be lovesick, for my beloved
My beloved and my friend
(Repeat x2)
Only YOU can satisfy (x2)

Try as I may to chase another Lover,
I find there is, there is no other

All the other Lovers fade away (x3)
Only YOU can satisfy (x4)

And happy am I, to live a hungry life
And blessed am I, to thirst
My desire for You, it is my gift within
I am blessed, I am blessed among men!
(Repeat x2)

This is the generation is trying everything
This is the generation of Jacob
This is the generation doubt all those things

Only YOU can satisfy ( x2)

This is the generation is looking for the face of God
This is the generation of Jacob
This is the generation
Searching for face of God
And only YOU can satisfy

The Spirit and the bride, we say, come! (Repeat x3)
We say come (Repeat x3)

(IHOP: International House Of Prayer)

*****VERSUS*****

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Lovesick Blues – Madeleine Peyroux

I’ve got a lovesick tale to tell to you
Though it ain’t no fail of mine
It’s about a gal named sue
And a boy named lou
They were fightin’ all the time
Sue came home one afternoon
And found an empty dining room

Without a word
A turtledove had flown
Sue began to moan
“My sweetie went away
But he didn’t say where
He didn’t say when
He didn’t say why
Without biddin’ me goodbye
Oh I’m blue as I can be

I know he loves another one
But he didn’t say who
He didn’t say when
He didn’t say what
His momma has got
That took my sweetie from me

I’m like a little lost sheep
And I can’t sleep
But I keep tryin’ to forget
My travelin’ poppa, he left his momma all alone
I groan

My sweetie went away but he didn’t say where
He didn’t say when
He didn’t say why
I know I’ll die
Why don’t he hurry on home?”

**Disclaimer**
I don’t mean to dichotomize the two as black and white (ie right/wrong, better/worse), I just wanted to point out that there are two very contrasting types of lovesickness w/two very contrasting results.

If you’re thinking, “Why can’t you be both?” – I’d reply, “You can.” “What’s wrong with being the latter?” or “What’s wrong with being both?” you might ask – I’d answer, “I don’t know, I didn’t say anything was wrong.” In any case, I think you’re asking good questions – thanks! I’d love to hear your thoughts~

Luva’mo,
Hannah

The Greatest of these…


“The Way You Love Me” – Anthony Evans (Bridge)

I’ve been helping two of my dear friends through a cross-cultural relationship crisis. It appears they have misunderstandings more often than they’d like, and my being bi-cultural as an Asian American somehow helps me see a bit more clearly into the space between them so I can try to help them see the other person’s point of view. Well, I’d been advising my gf not to force herself to do anything she’d regret later just because she hated being in conflict and feared losing him. At the same time, I’d been strongly exhorting her bf (who was very hurt, confused, and offended by the recent turn of events) to do his best to wait for her to finish finals and gather her thoughts so they could try communicating and resolving it with their whole selves present, especially if he had truly committed to loving her – I mean, if a guy believes a girl’s really the one, what is a few days, or even weeks?

Ah, but the heart…the heart beats at us so urgently and pitifully, demanding that we fulfill all of its desires…

I don’t look down on this, as I’m one who wears mine on my sleeve and I pay a LOT of attention to it, almost as a mother watches her child. However, I’ve been led astray more than once by following the directions it tries to set for me, so I proceed cautiously, even fearfully, when I give in to its longings. I know that my heart thinks not of the whole of me and gives no regard for the rest of my life, except for the immediate moment and its favorite attachments. Again, no condemnation – only understanding. At the same time, the heart is the channel through which the Lord places desires in us, and as the Word says – from its overflow, our mouths speak. I finding more and more that sometimes, but not all the time, my heart just knows what is best for me…it’s an unchangeable fact my heart is an integral part of me that I cannot separate myself from without doing incredible damage to the whole of me. (Extreme and sustained compartmentalizing = harmful). So, I am learning to submit it (as Hannah in Scriptures submitted her precious first son Samuel to the service of the Lord) to God so that He might take it and refine it in His courts, according to His ways; the operative word is “learning.”

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– Anthony Evans (Bridge)

Anyhow, I got a voice message from my gf this afternoon and it was obvious that she wasn’t able to focus on her papers because she was so torn up about what had happened. Well, right when I called her back to see if she was okay, the doorbell rang. I looked through the peephole and lo and behold, just like in a Korean drama, her bf was standing right there. What a coincidence…

Or not?

It was clear what my options were and what might have been the “wisest” course of action, but trusting my gut and the fact that divine intervention was a good possibility, I opened the door and handed him the phone. She immediately started crying loud enough that I could hear as I stood by him, and I ushered him into my living room. A few minutes later, he was off to see her, in my car =P Turns out that they were able to reconcile the immediate issue of having hurt each other (one of those temporary break-ups that are not really about breaking up so much as breaking down during a really bad fight – I’d spent more than 4 hours on the phone Monday night trying to help them each see that). Well, she reflected back to me later that they weren’t “out of the woods” yet – but I joked, “Mm-hmm, but at least the wolves aren’t running after you anymore.” (It’d be interesting to unpack what the “wolves” might represent, eh?)

Was it God who orchestrated her bf to stand outside my door right when I called her back?

Did I do the right thing to hand the phone over to him without asking her if she wanted to talk to him?
(Should I have stopped to pray and ask God first?)

If it was divine intervention, does that mean God wants them to be together?

Could it be that it was just a coincidence and we just acted according to what felt and seemed most appropriate and compassionate at the time?

If it was indeed a coincidence God chose to use or a divine intervention that He orchestrated to happen, what does that mean?
(Does it always have to mean something or point to anything other than the fact that He loves us? Can we ever fully know? Consider Isaiah 55:8-9.)

Will it work out for them, having cried, apologized, and held each other lovingly after a very painful encounter?

Or sometimes, do things just happen, and in our humanity with its desires, frailties, and penchants for what gives us most life and pain (love and drama), do we respond and in essence allow our hearts to help shape our destinies, for better or for worse?

I don’t know.

But this is my faith –
I trust the Word which says that the Lord is good, He loves His children, He has good plans for us, and if our hearts are (continually) submitted to His hands (and if we are obedient to Him as much as His grace allows) then (we have positioned ourselves to experience and know that) He is faithful to deliver us from evil, free us from our bondage(s), prosper us in our doings for His glory, and fulfill the desires of our hearts…

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– Anthony Evans (Bridge)

I am blessed to walk in a faith that has over time been built up and strengthened by both positive experiences of fulfilled promises and painful experiences of confusion and frustration that have been comforted, if not resolved. Sometimes we just don’t have all the answers we want, and I’ve found that rather than answers, most of the time what I want is Someone or someone to just love me and be with me through it all. If I am fully loved, there is nothing (except perhaps the separation from that love) that I cannot bear.

“‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,’
declares the LORD.

‘As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.'”
(Isaiah 55:8-9)

“Surely God is good to Israel,
to those who are pure in heart.”
(Psalm 73:1)

“You will again obey the LORD and follow all his commands I am giving you today. Then the LORD your God will make you most prosperous in all the work of your hands and in the fruit of your womb, the young of your livestock and the crops of your land. The LORD will again delight in you and make you prosperous, just as he delighted in your fathers, if you obey the LORD your God and keep his commands and decrees that are written in this Book of the Law and turn to the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul. (Deuteronomy 30:8-10)

“But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God,
slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.”
(Psalm 86:15)

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD,
‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.'”
(Jeremiah 29:11)

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:33)

And finally, one of my favorite promises in the Bible:

“Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this.”
(Psalm 37:3-5)

Who loves you, baby?

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Jesus does ๐Ÿ™‚ Amazing isn’t it? To be loved by our Creator and the all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-present deity we worship?

One of my most memorable moments at LAKUMC as a child was when one of our teachers, Sunny (one of the beautiful twin sisters who sang like angels!), answered my complaint of singing the same old songs over and over again by singing us all a different version of “Jesus Loves Me,” in accapella with her pristine and sweet voice. I remember being captivated – time just stopped, you know? And she was so gracious to sing to me instead of rebuking or silencing me for interrupting the worship ;P

The lyrics to Jesus Loves Me were originally a poem published in a novel written by a lady (YAH BABY!) by the name of Anna Warner in 1860, and two years later, a gentleman by the name of William Bradbury added the familiar tune to the words. I think we should start singing the rest of the verses, they teach solid theology!

Jesus loves me! This I know,
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong;
They are weak, but He is strong.

Chorus:
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me! This I know,
As He loved so long ago,
Taking children on His knee,
Saying, โ€œLet them come to Me.โ€

Chorus

Jesus loves me when I’m good,
When I do the things I should,
Jesus loves me when I’m bad,
Though it makes Him very sad.

Chorus

Jesus loves me still today,
Walking with me on my way,
Wanting as a friend to give
Light and love to all who live.

Chorus

Jesus loves me! He who died
Heavenโ€™s gate to open wide;
He will wash away my sin,
Let His little child come in.

Chorus

Jesus loves me! Loves me still
Tho’ I’m very weak and ill;
That I might from sin be free
Bled and died upon the tree.

Chorus

Jesus loves me! He will stay
Close beside me all the way;
Thou hast bled and died for me,
I will henceforth live for Thee.

Chorus

I want to love the One who loves me like this back…in a way that delights His impassioned heart.
Give me dove’s eyes, Lord.

About You

I pour myself out (before You)
I pour my thoughts out before them (and You)
I pour my heart out through strange tongues that I utter (to You)
I pour my song out up into the empty space above (for You)
I pour my tears out onto my beige cotton sleeve (next to You)
I pour and I pour and I pour…(into You)
Until I cannot anymore. (thank You)

“As I wait
You make me strong
As I long
Draw me to Your arms
As I stand
And sing your praise
Won’t You come
Won’t You come
And fill this place.”

Fill me again, Lord, that I might be a vessel that’s Yours.