After saying “goodbye,” or more exactly, “connect/talk with you soon” with someone dear to my heart, I’m quite sad in my heart, but thankfully I’m still feeling functional and somewhat balanced…for the most part. I have my moments (especially after leaving church w/post-ministry fatigue & feeling the empty after having poured myself out) when I feel the sadness and longing to reach out more acutely, but as my dear friend said, I am “in the arms of Jesus,” and though I wish Jesus had physical arms I could presently feel/touch, it’s true and I believe it. It’s what keeps me going.
I woke up feeling a bit anxious this morning and I feel a sadness (normal for Monday morning/afternoons as I begin my Sabbath/rest/recovery day) that I feel is partly related to the recent separation. And I randomly googled Separation Anxiety as I know it’s something some children struggle with; I’ve seen it only once with one of our first grade students at church, and it was at once adorable and sad – makes a person want to reach out and embrace the one who’s feeling so scared when mama’s only gonna be two doors down for just an hour!
Anyhow, here it is.
The DSM-IV criteria for diagnosing Separation Anxiety Disorder (when the separation anxiety is out of hand and affecting normal living and relating):
“Developmentally inappropriate and excessive anxiety concerning separation from home or from those to whom the individual is attached, as evidenced by three (or more) of the following:
- Recurrent excessive distress when separation from home or major attachment figures occurs or is anticipated.
- Persistent and excessive worry about losing, or about possible harm befalling, major attachment figures.
- Persistent and excessive worry that an untoward event will lead to separation from a major attachment figure(e.g.; getting lost or being kidnapped).
- Persistent reluctance or refusal to go to school or elsewhere because fear of separation.
- Persistent and excessively fearful or reluctant to be alone or without major attachment figures at home or without significant adults in other settings.
- Persistent reluctance or refusal to go to sleep without being near a major attachment figure or to sleep away from home.
- Repeated nightmares involving the theme of separation.
- Repeated complaints of physical symptoms (such as headaches, stomach aches, nausea, or vomiting) when separation from major attachment figures occurs or is anticipated.”
Haha, being the “charismaniac” I am, it sounds like demons tormenting someone who’s just very sensitive and probably traumatized by early life events, if there aren’t also generational curses that cause unhealthy attachments. But as I also have an “objective” side, I’d say that SAD is a rather sad disorder to have, just mentally/emotionally speaking, indeed.
Inner healing perspectives would observe that there was a lie or false belief introduced/suggested by some traumatic event that wounded said (or SAD, lol, excuse my punning) individual, and that in order to find healing and freedom from anxiety and emotional/mental pain, one would need to go back to the original event that triggered the disorder and bring emotional healing to the memory, then “correct” the misleading thought(s) that lead to the thought patterns that cause distress, worry, fear, and general psychological pain.
All this reflection and observation is prompted by my slight feelings of anxiety post-farewell, because I think of people who have been through such pain and trauma that a goodbye like this could be extremely detrimental to their everyday life for longer than a few weeks and months… poor things 😦
When I share thoughts like these with friends, they ask, “Why didn’t you study psychology, Hannah? You’d be good at helping people with these kinds of struggles.” The thing about me though, is that I didn’t want to study psychology in part because people seem to spend so much time diagnosing and treating (the symptoms instead of going to the root cause) and less time and energy on truly bringing about healing and freedom. To boot, a significant part of me hates psychological drugs because people come to think of them as the “cure” when they are only a painkiller – they’re very addictive and easy to depend on for too long! I know, because I went through it. Don’t want to offend anyone, but these are my honest feelings.
You gotta do what you gotta do, it’s true. But what you have to do will change from time to time, you know? And there’s just a point where we gotta get up and toughen up, or we’ll never reach our full and true potentials.
So anyhow, I’m just processing b/c I feel a bit sad and anxious today, and this is helping me get my thoughts/feelings out. Truth be told, I’ve been tempted to drink my blues away, and am still tempted to go get some herbal remedies for depression (I have used them before, wanting to avoid anti-depressants at almost all costs) because I know it’d be the quick and easy way of dealing with it. But you know what? The best way will always be: basic self-care. Eat right, exercise, get sufficient rest, tend to my spiritual, emotional, social well-being, and keep on living the abundant life that was bought for me at the highest cost.
Really, when’s the last time a deity, an immortal who chose mortality just for love, died to purchase you something?
Try reading this and this
Makes me not want to waste my life. What about you?
(Not that being sad wastes our life, but giving in to what can come w/unnecessarily prolonged sadness – fear, anxiety, distress, despair, etc. can certainly be.)
Well, for today and for a couple more today’s (okay, maybe many more), I’ll be a bit sad, even allow the feelings of anxiety to remain on the surface for a time, but I don’t want to stay here in this place of being sad for too long. Besides the fact that life is too precious to waste moping around too long, but because that would miss the whole point of saying goodbye – we released each other out of love, obedience, and honestly a desire to see the other person have the BEST that G-d desires for her/him. AND…I wanna get ready for the “hello again!” so it can be a most joyful event 🙂
I REJECT FEAR AND I CHOOSE HOPE!
And His and his love has given me the courage, power, and strength to do so.
I ❤ you KC!